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Death Sucks

   Seriously! Sin & Death sucks.  Every facet thereof sucketh.

I could talk like that to Josh & Amy.

Probably even to Pastor Fleming.

But some people think I oughta be more genteel.

Death is not genteel.

It sucks.

Just so you know.

Words! Seriously in need of Words!

Waaaah! Took me several minutes AGAIN to find where you post a blog on the *new* Multiply.

I know, it's not new anymore to y'all.  I'm the one who wasn't paying attention when they upgraded us.  And I'll get used to it.

Heidi says I should write when I feel like crying.  I dunno WHAT I feel like.

I just think I need some WORDS!

My son was killed by a hit & run yesterday morning.  (Was that one day ago?  How would I know?  Time isn't acting normal anymore.)

Today I know it might have been a homicide.  Probably it was a homicide.

Isn't that a word we use when writing fiction?

Who wrote this awful fiction with me as a character in it?  With my Scooter, my little boy Scooter, as the victim?  (Okay, so he's 30 years old.  Doesn't matter.  Time warp, you know.)

There.  I wrote.

I guess I'll try to sleep now.

My other boys will be here 8 AM.

We buried Scott today.  (FICTION!  EVERY WORD SCREAMS FICTION!)

At 2 PM will be his funeral.  But they don't call it a funeral because we already buried him.  Okay.  It's the BIG part of the burying ceremony, when EVERYBODY comes.  And Pastor tells us death's an enemy that was never supposed to be in our life on earth.  And he is SO right.  Which is why this don't compute.  It must be fiction.  We have ETERNITY in our heart.  We know with every fabric of our being that we WERE NOT CREATED FOR DEATH!

My son is SLEEPING!  When Jesus calls his name, my Scooter will wake up.  All smiles.

It's more than words.

Nighty-night baby boy.  Sweet dreams.  See you in the morning.  Mama loves you.

Getting used to the changes

Multiply made some changes while I've been on hiatus, and I've got a bit of a learning curve to climb, I see.  Took me several minutes to figure out how to post a new blog!

Yesterday I sent status change requests to some of you, and I used Multiply's default verbage in the requests, and now I realize (thanks to Beatleboy) that doing that after being away so long may have made you think I don't consider you true friends anymore.  Sorry! Please forgive! My heart and brain are a little disconnected and distracted because my son died suddenly yesterday.

I posted a link from my Facebook page, where all my "in real life" friends chat with me daily, over to a blog I wrote here last December.  Which led to one of my "in real life" friends joining Multiply as my "friend" ... and I thought I ought to use the categories on Multiply a little more precisely so I can maybe sometimes filter who I post what to if I'm going to be introducing my "real life" friends to my blog site.

So those of you who are my Multiply buddies, but I've not had the honor of knowing you except through your writings (and mine), I sent you those change requests last night.  And I am SO sorry for just sending them, without explanation; because you do still mean the world to me.

So please forgive me.  In real life, and also in cyberspace, my head is perhaps a little weary and not firing on all cylinders right now.

I'll try to get back to blogging when I can ...

Thanks for your prayers and well-wishes.  My second-youngest son was killed in a hit & run yesterday morning ... and apparently it was a homicide.  I didn't know that yet last night.  But none of this is anything I've had a dress rehearsal for.

If I don't sound as coherent as you're used to me being ... well, I guess that's why.  Words fail me.  But God's love, and the kind thoughts of friends, are holding me up.  So thank you, everyone who knows, and prays, or sends a kind thought my way.

Just please don't think I care for you less because I asked you to be my "online buddy".  You are still really my friend.  It just means I've never seen you in person.  That's all.

Rani

oh ... THERE it is

Multiply changed things while I've been away.  For the better, probably, but I need to learn my way around again.  So at first I could not find where to click to write a new blog.  But as you can see, I found it.

I tidied up a couple of things -- made some old blogs visible again that earlier I had hidden.

And I "quit" the Library group and Writers Block.

So.

Soon again maybe I'll blog.

This one still remains private though.

What I like about Facebook

My Multiply site is prettier: The background really is my house.  The photo really is my face.  I come and go as I well please, but I never do so in disguise.  Some people do.  On Multiply, I mean.  At first I was only mildly curious about that fact.  Eventually I found it offensive.

I have been enjoying Facebook.  Because I really do *know* the people I network with there.  They can't pretend to be somebody they aren't.

But most of them are not writers.  My Multiply friends are writers.  I suppose that's why some of them pretend.  They think they can write themselves into a better story or something.  Okay, so be it.  Just leave me out of your fiction, okay?

Rani Kaye is angry with Kira for not being herself.  (Apparently.)  For not waiting in her own skin for a better moment.  For manufacturing things and blowing things out of proportion, and creating Drama in my peaceable kingdom, I guess.

Well, I guess that's as far down the self-analysis trail as I'm going to go on this fair night.  It is nearly 1 AM.  And I am writing, or at least journaling again.  Maybe all I'll do is journal for a while.  I've got my blog set to private.  When I write myself back out into the public domain, I'll share what I choose to share.

I like my Multiply page very much though.  It most certainly is my very own home -- a home part of my life and my world.

I have not been blogging

And it's been longer than I realized.

There are other things to do, of course.  Because I just couldn't write.  I couldn't write for faceless souls who change their persona to fool the masses.  I'm a REAL person.

Whether I'm blogging in the presence of people I've not met in person,

Or talking on the phone with people I can't see in person,

Or just being the quiet girl nobody much notices at church ...

I am the SAME person wherever I go, and whatever I do.

And I am offended.

That some people change their IDs and their pictures and feign other personalities.  I don't want to play with people who pretend to be other than themselves.

That's all.

What happened is I was writing a story.  Just like I sometimes do.  When I wasn't watching my page, somebody I thought was a friend, though I had never met them IN PERSON, wrote comments on my story, apparently blasting another of my friends here.  Then deleted what they'd written, so that I would never know what had been said, but IM'd me to "apologize".

And I just went away.  I remembered that this person, when I first "met" them here on Multiply, had some other strange Multiply dramas they kept alluding to.  And I realized they were supplying their own drama, and that I just did not want to play.

So I went away.  I didn't even want to write at all. 

Well, maybe I'll come around and write again now.  I've been deleted from that person's friends list.  And this little explanatory blog is "personal" -- only for me.

So if I feel like blogging, I will blog.  And if some of my old friends come around, I'll "play" with them again.  I've just been doing other things, is all.

Let's see -- how shall I tag this?  Maybe "ethics".

P.S. Just read a blog by Kittigory, and the comment stream.  Eloquent concise answer such as I love by Flowerchild3. And then a few comments down I find that apparently Flowerchild3 is the latest incarnation of Kira.

What IS the deal with her?

If she'd use her real picture, and at least her real first name, and quit her confounded hiding, and whatever else it is she's up to with her nonsense ... Dang she writes well!